Why the Amorphous Decade?

Simply put, it’s a wry take on Dr. Meg Jay’s wildly successful, The Defining Decade.

If we’re running in similar social circles, odds are a friend has recommended this book to you.

I put off reading it for as long as I could, saying: I already know my 20s are important. This book’s only going to stress me out!

And you know what? I was right.

I came away from this book thinking: Oh no, what have I done to maximize my social and earning “capital”? If I don’t figure my s**t out soon, I’m going to enter my 30s alone, unfulfilled, and under-compensated.

While there were some good nuggets in Dr. Jay’s writing, such as the strength of weak social ties1, overall, I kind of reject the premise.

Maybe it was different in 2012, when this book first came out, but I don’t know anyone in their 20s who doesn’t already know that this decade of their life is important.

The title of Dr. Jay’s Ted Talk is: Why 30 Is Not the New 20. She contends that twentysomethings have been led to believe that this decade of our life is merely “developmental downtime,” that we have “trivialized the defining decade of adulthood.” She goes on to say that we have been “robbed [of our] urgency and ambition.”

I don’t know about you guys, but I know plenty of twentysomethings with an abundance of energy and ambition. Just about everyone I know is thinking about their next job, their next move—to the point that I want to tell them to RELAX and appreciate where they are. 

Sometimes the ambition is a good thing. I think of my friend who majored in Finance, wasn’t happy with his high-end sales job, and moved across the country to start an art & design program. Or another friend who’s leaving her job in a field related to her major so that she can take a User Experience course and find a job that hopefully makes her happier.

The point is twentysomethings wouldn't make these moves unless they had some combination of ambition and fear/paranoia that one day, they'd wake up and be 50 and realize: they lived their entire lives on autopilot.

We compare ourselves to others constantly. I could look up five people right now who graduated from my same cohort and have jobs with better titles and more pay at more prestigious companies. 

It’s fine. Because at the end of the day, we just have to live with ourselves and the decisions we make. 

As advised in my favorite commencement speech, Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen:

“Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.”

Unless you really don’t care about your personal happiness, you probably don’t need a kick in the a** from some PhD on the Ted Talk circuit. 

I would advise my friends considering picking up Dr. Jay’s book that you’re probably better off taking a walk or doing something that makes you happy.

We have enough external pressures, enough fears and insecurities. Cut yourself some slack. Take a breath. You’ll be fine :)

Zac



1 I also liked the chapter about social media, particularly the observation that it encourages us to compare “other people’s outsides to our insides,” which isn’t healthy.


Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing Zac! I tend to agree with your thoughts here.

    There are important things to do in your 20s to setup your life, but stressing about them is less useful than simply making an active effort at building a life you want (and forgiving yourself when you step astray from that plan)

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    1. Thank you! I appreciate you reading and taking the time to share. I think the forgiveness piece is huge, well said!

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